At 11:20 AM on Friday 29th April 2011, the Archbishop of Canterbury pronounced Prince William and Catherine Middleton man and wife. It was a magnificent moment; not just for the monarchy, but for the entire nation and dare I suggest it, the rest of the world too. The wonderful union between these two most gracious young lovers represents a coalition between the monarchy and the general public. And as I finished a pint of Skinner’s ‘Kate Loves Willy’ Ale, I truly felt a speck of regality emanate through my body. I was proud. Millions of people swarmed around the palace gates like wasps around a juicy looking ice-lolly in the sun. Some particularly patriotic commoners gathered in their small communities, sporting union jack flags and Will and Kate masks, they pitched their tents several days before the ceremony took place in a gallant effort to ensure a prime view of the event. These earnest royal subjects will undoubtedly pass down the story of how they procured the most intimate view of the royal kiss for generations to come. Their grandchildren and great-grandchildren will take enormous delight in knowing that somebody in their family once saw Prince William’s lips touch...

? Imagine you are crossing the English Channel on a small dinghy with an eclectic mix of fellow passengers; a few close friends; a few mild acquaintances; and a few wounded giraffes. The giraffes are heavy and weighing you down; water is seeping into the boat all around you; and the crisp, clean bank notes that you and your associates worked ever-so-hard to attain are wilting away by the second. The natural reaction at this point is to try and drop the dying weight into the water. Figuratively speaking, this is what France and Germany have been discussing this morning. Concerned with the failures of their neighbour Eurozone members, French and German officials are mocking up plans for a radical overhaul of the European Union, a more integrated and potentially smaller Eurozone. This veritable ‘Rich-Mans-Euro-Club’ would rise like a phoenix from the burning ashes of its discarded members – most likely: Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal and Ireland. The talks have been of the ‘hush-hush’ variety with senior EU officials speaking only under the condition of anonymity – “We need to move very cautiously, but the truth is that we need to establish exactly the list of those who don't...

? I was sat in an American diner, chomping down some French Fries that tasted somewhat tasteless, when I realised that you have to take everything with a pinch of salt. The waitress was elegantly poised as she explained to me how the ‘moist’ and ‘unrefined’ qualities of the prestigious Grey Salt she was about to give to me would guarantee an enjoyable end to my stay at the B&B. I fingered the salt curiously, before clenching a small clump in my hand and spreading it over the plate of food. When the waitress left, with a gleeful expression beaming from her high cheekbones, I began to think about the article that had kept me awake the previous night. It told me that I had just over a year left to live, that the world was coming to an abrupt ending on December 21st 2012. I spent the entire journey home researching the cosmic phenomenon on my iPhone. I learnt that 21st December 2012 is the end date of a 5,125 year-long cycle in the Mesoamerican long count calendar, a dating system used by the ancient Mayans. This date is believed to mark a transition within humanity as a...