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To zhe sir who vas urinating in a public place on Zhursday morning.

my darling Rupert, vhere are you? vhen be said our goodbyes at Liverpool street you said you vhere just going to zhe loo und zhen you vould meet me at burger king. I vaited until my burger vent cold und hardened into its husk like shell. zhen I vaited outside hfc because I zhought maybe you vhere confused.. I have realised zhat you are probably still upset about dinner, but darling, do not stay mad both me for so long! I stole zhe best bit of chicken on your plate. I did not know you vhere saving it! und my chicken bad so dry und tasteless vhile yours was juicy und luscious..und zhe sauce vas amazing. I had food envy ok? be both know it. so stop being stubborn, come to my place und I vill make sure victy cooks you something delicious..vell, ve havnt been shopping so perhaps victy can go and get you some kind of fried chicken..

It is Monday night, you are hungry und have only approximatly £3.50 to your name...vhat to do? Zhe bagel shop vill save you!Darlings, I know zhat I speak as if I am a first timer, but zhat vould be a lie. Zhe bagel shop has saved me on many occasions vhen Victy has not done zhe shopping for zhe veek und my cupboards are bare, or vhen I find myself busking und earning a mere £4 in 2 hours.I am particularly a fan of zhis place at 2.30 am vhen I ave been out drinking, und zhere vas a day vhere I have indeed eaten a beigel for every meal. Zhe difference is, however, zhat a few veeks ago I vound up in zhe other bagel shop...zhe yellow one.Zhat vas a mistake. It vas slightly cheaper zhan zhe vhite one, I must admit, vhich pleased me at first. Zhe quality however....vell let us just say zhat it is not zhe same!At zhe bagel bake a salt beef beigel involves a delicious mountain of salt beef piled on top of a beigel zhat just seems dwarfed by zhe beef. Zhe mustard is spicy und delici…