The Demise of the Exclamation Mark

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VICAR:  We are gathered here today to commemorate the life of Exclamation Mark.  He's best known for appearing in angry sentences both on screen, radio and in literature across the globe.  Council workers knew people were angry when they received a letter ending in "!".  But in recent years we have witnessed his downfall.  Most notably in over-zealous text messages and being doubled or even tripled on the Facebook walls of cretins across the world.  We will now hear a few words from his old friend, Semi-Colon.

SEMI-COLON:  Ahem, I first met Exclamation Mark during the middle ages.  At the time we were both new kids on the block; vying for the attentions of the four per cent of the population capable of reading and writing.  Over the years we have had our ups and downs.  Most notably the arrival of spelling and grammar check and the subsequent boom we experienced in the early 90's.  We were being suggested as the right source of punctuation.  Suggested.  And that is how I would like to remember Exclamation Mark, or Sparky as we used to call him.  I can see him now in his heyday: patiently waiting for his opportunity to shine.  One exclamation mark every 3000 words would make more of an impact than a hundred commas.  No offence comma.

COMMA:  None taken.

SEMI-COLON:  Right now it's difficult to think of Sparky without seeing the image of him wastefully sprawled across text messages.  He was worn down by youths overworking him and "LOLing" at the slightest sign of amusement.  But I will remember his power and I shall never inappropriately use him anymore.  God bless you Mark.  Rest in peace!

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